Waheed Tallest:
Waheed stood at an impressive seven feet tall, a towering figure among us. While his height itself wasn’t particularly remarkable, it was his extraordinarily slender frame and fragile appearance that truly set him apart. Despite being the tallest among us, his struggle to find suitable footwear was undeniable. The largest jungle boot available was a size forty-five, far too small for Waheed, who claimed to require a size forty-nine. Frustrated by the lack of options, he resorted to crafting most of his shoes himself. It was due to his remarkable height that we affectionately nicknamed him Tallest.
His camp-issued white tee barely reached his navel, while his Khaki trousers hung loosely, resembling shorts on his long, slender legs. His toes couldn’t even fit into his jungle boots, let alone his entire feet.
On a particular occasion, we arranged a comparison between Waheed and the man we speculated might be the shortest in camp. Upon standing side by side, the scene unfolded with surprising and amusing clarity: the shortest man barely reached the length of Waheed’s knees.
Meanwhile, Waheed often found himself on the receiving end of teasing remarks about his slender frame, with some jesting that he might snap in half one day due to his thinness.
Fatty Alhaja:
That is the name everyone gave her because of her weight. She was a married woman from the Northern part of the country, and her husband was often seen accompanying her whenever she is at the mammy-market. His frequent visits from outside the camp indicated his strong concern for her well-being. I surmised from this that they likely lived in the neighboring town.
Alhaja, a member of my platoon, Platoon Four, never failed to amuse us with her determination to participate in every activity, despite her considerable weight. One memorable instance occurred during our Man O War activities. The task required two sturdy male Corps Members to scale an erected wall made of planks, while two others remained on the ground to hoist willing but typically lightweight females to the top. Once there, the females would assist in placing their hands on the wall’s edge, allowing them to climb through and cross to the other side.
I managed to complete my part of the task successfully, thanks to my petite stature making me easier to lift. However, the moment Alhaja approached, the expression on the guys’ faces spoke volumes, even to the blind:
“Sorry, madam, no way,” they conveyed without uttering a word.
Sucker Talkative:
I couldn’t fathom how he acquired that peculiar nickname, but it seemed he was determined to stand out, a mission he accomplished with ease. From the outset of camp, he ensured his presence was known by emblazoning his nickname on the back of his cap, leaving no doubt as to his identity. He had a penchant for dispensing jokes at any given moment, regardless of the situation, making it nearly impossible to maintain full concentration if you find yourself in the same platoon or parade guard as this incessant chatterbox.
Seriousness seemed foreign to him, and it didn’t take long before he became known as the camp’s ‘basket mouth.’ It was from him that I first heard the slang:
“Toyota donkey, and Honda camel,” he jocularly remarked, claiming these were the prevalent models of cars in Zamfara State. With a mischievous grin, he urged us Corps Members to feel like royalty when riding in them.
As part of his repertoire of jokes, he quipped that one had to queue for everything on camp. Whether it was fetching water, collecting food from the kitchen, receiving cash, being kitted out, or even trying to chat up a particularly attractive girl, especially if she happened to be very pretty; a queue was inevitable.
But the joke that truly had everyone in stitches was the one he cracked on the day of the Miss Camp Competition. With his trademark style, he slyly insinuated to the camp officials that it was a known fact the three cows gifted to us by the Director General of NYSC had somehow grown wings. Despite this generous incentive, there hadn’t been a single improvement in the size of our ‘memory card’ meat.
We all shared hearty laughter at his witty jokes; even the camp officials couldn’t help but join in on the fun. However, fate had a twist in store for him. Corps Members who exhibited exceptional traits or fully participated in numerous camp activities, such as the Miss Camp competition, Mr. Macho contest, or those dedicated to parade guard duty, especially the quarter guards, were usually rewarded with better postings. By all accounts, he had actively engaged in camp activities, warranting a placement in the state capital. Thus, the rationale behind his posting to Gunmi, the farthest and most dreaded posting location for all Corps Members, where the mode of transportation is mockingly referred to as ‘Toyota camel’ and ‘Honda donkey,’ which he had jestingly referenced so many times.Top of Form
Born as Titilayo Oladimeji, I have been known by the nickname Titipetral for nearly two decades. I am a Financial Advisor at a reputable financial institution in Lagos, Nigeria, with over 10 years of experience in Financial Advisory and Credit Analysis. I am also an author and the founder of Titipetral Publishers, a duly registered publishing company.
In addition, I lead the Titipetral Empowerment and Development Network (TEDN), a duly registered philanthropic initiative dedicated to supporting underprivileged girls, boys, women, and men in the Alimosho area, Nigeria’s most populated local government, focusing on serving the underserved.
For inquiries or collaboration, you can reach me at Titilayooladimeji@titipetral.com or titipetral@gmail.com.