By Babalola Ayo
You really should read this objectively, the humor in it aside.
Last month I had to go to fish market because I can smell a good bargain from anywhere.
Unfortunately, it was the peak of the fuel scarcity and the car’s tank was as empty as a desert.
Meaning I had to do public transport, meaning since there was no direct bus I had to break my trip, meaning a trip that had been going well, should have gone well but ended badly.
On the last lap of my trip from Yaba to Makoko, I encountered the worst smell ever to have emanated from a human. Typing now, I still want to vomit but I barely ate anything since morning so there goes.
The nausea from remembering still hangs over me like a cloud.
This human’s body smelt like someone who had a bath at birth and then regretted the decision, swearing to stay away from soap and water. When she made to bring out her fare, my eyes watered.
Unkempt, white, scum-laden hairs formed a thicket in her armpits, and I asked God why.
I imagined she had a lover, and how he could bear all the smell. I’m not usually standoffish, and other people too turned up their noses, so it wasn’t me being hoity toity.
It was her poor hygiene and lack of good grooming that made her smell like that. ****
In the light of this, please read these tips and save us fellow humans from death by pollution.
- Bath, with water and soap. Nothing expensive, even the regular black soap will rid your skin of odour- generating bacteria.
- Get a deodorant. Affordable and long lasting ones are in major supermarkets.
- Shave.
- If you won’t shave,wash of every trace of sweat. Don’t let whitish hairs be your logo when you lift your hands.
- Brush your teeth.
- Wash your tongue.
- If you’re plus sized and have folds, wash the skin between folds.
- Wash your hair regularly.
- Ladies, lift up your mammary and wash the below. Rinse the areas around your genitals with water,so at least you know the smell isn’t from you.
- Men, beard gang, they said, not smellos. A slap on your jaw and there’s a harvest of lice? Not fresh.
- Men, wash everywhere you consider private. If you’re not smelling nice it’s only girls who don’t have a choice that will date you.
- Teenagers, you’re not too young to be neat. Take my advice and thank me later.
In all, let us practice good hygiene. God loves cleanliness!
Born as Titilayo Oladimeji, I have been known by the nickname Titipetral for nearly two decades. I am a Financial Advisor at a reputable financial institution in Lagos, Nigeria, with over 10 years of experience in Financial Advisory and Credit Analysis. I am also an author and the founder of Titipetral Publishers, a duly registered publishing company.
In addition, I lead the Titipetral Empowerment and Development Network (TEDN), a duly registered philanthropic initiative dedicated to supporting underprivileged girls, boys, women, and men in the Alimosho area, Nigeria’s most populated local government, focusing on serving the underserved.
For inquiries or collaboration, you can reach me at Titilayooladimeji@titipetral.com or titipetral@gmail.com.