This goes out to every individual providing for their family.
A breadwinner, as Google defines, is “a person who earns money to support the family, typically the sole provider.” This includes responsible men working tirelessly to keep their families afloat, as well as strong women; widowed, single, or divorced, carrying the weight of dependants who rely on them for survival. Let’s not forget the older siblings who step up to take care of their younger brothers, sisters, and even their aged parents.
It’s no easy task, and to all of you, I say kudos.
There are moments when you have to push yourself beyond limits just to make ends meet, often sacrificing your own pleasures and comforts for the sake of those who depend on you. Every paycheck is hard-earned, and sometimes, even before that salary hits your account, it’s already been spent on bills and debts. It gets exhausting.
Sadly, some breadwinners feel so pressured by financial burdens that they resort to desperate measures, even crime, just to make sure the demands of their family are met. It can feel impossible to break even when the expenses outweigh the income, and it feels like there are more holes in the ship than you can plug.
But here’s what I want to say to you, dear breadwinner:
Slow down a bit. You have a life too, remember?
Yes, being responsible is important, honorable, even—but when it becomes unbearable and starts taking a toll on your health or sanity, it’s time to take a step back. You need a breather.
Take a moment to evaluate how the people you’re sacrificing for actually see you.
Are you just an ATM machine to them, dispensing money with no limits?
Are you the “good brother” who keeps overextending himself to earn the respect of your younger siblings?
Is your spouse so complacent, assuming your income can cover all expenses, while carelessly spending what should be saved? Too many breadwinners live under the weight of debts that their families aren’t even aware of, and it’s painful.
Here are two things you should keep in mind:
1. Involve your dependants in the process.
Don’t bear the entire burden alone. Make your dependents part of your hustle, directly or indirectly. Maybe they can help with some of the tasks you’re paying others to do, or at least be aware of the hard work and effort it takes to provide for them. They need to understand the reality of your job, your responsibilities, and the sacrifices you make. Transparency will go a long way in cultivating responsibility and appreciation in them.
Don’t be an autocratic breadwinner too. Be democratic. This prevents your dependants from squandering what you work hard for, and encourages them to contribute, rather than sit back and expect everything handed to them.
Take, for example, the viral story of a Nigerian man who took his mother to Canada for the holidays. It was a dream come true for him, as he wanted to repay her for all the sacrifices she made to put him through school as a widow. His whole perspective changed when he stumbled upon her washing dishes at a restaurant to fund his education. It opened his eyes to how much she went through, and that moment of realization made his appreciation even deeper.
2. Don’t forget to live your own life.
While you work hard to provide for others, remember that you are a person with needs, too. You have a life that deserves to be lived. If you push yourself to the brink, what happens if your health breaks down? The world won’t stop spinning, and your dependants will find a way to survive, whether you’re there or not. They may even find another breadwinner to lean on, one you didn’t know existed.
So when you feel like your health is slipping, take a break. Rest. The people you’re providing for won’t fall apart. They will adjust, and in fact, it may even give them the opportunity to step up and become more responsible themselves.
Remember, only Jesus can make everyone happy, and you’re not him. And as for the myth that “Jollof rice makes everyone happy,” well, that’s not always true either. Have you ever tasted salty, peppery, or overly burnt Jollof rice? It’s not so pleasant after all.
So, dear breadwinner, take care of yourself. Yes, you have responsibilities—but don’t forget that your life and well-being matter too.
Born as Titilayo Oladimeji, I have been known by the nickname Titipetral for nearly two decades. I am a Financial Advisor at a reputable financial institution in Lagos, Nigeria, with over 10 years of experience in Financial Advisory and Credit Analysis. I am also an author and the founder of Titipetral Publishers, a duly registered publishing company.
In addition, I lead the Titipetral Empowerment and Development Network (TEDN), a duly registered philanthropic initiative dedicated to supporting underprivileged girls, boys, women, and men in the Alimosho area, Nigeria’s most populated local government, focusing on serving the underserved.
For inquiries or collaboration, you can reach me at Titilayooladimeji@titipetral.com or titipetral@gmail.com.